We are wrapping up another school vacation and once again, I find myself asking the age old question, “Did I do enough with my kids?”
Last week, one of my children (who will remain nameless) was complaining that we “didn’t do anything” over the break. Initially, the mommy guilt swooped in. We had been busy preparing for the holidays for a lot of the break and I wondered, did I do enough? Had I provided enough fun and memories for my kids over the break? Maybe I had spent too much time cleaning. Too much time prepping. Too much time working.
And then I thought about the things I had done with my kids over the break. Maybe every day wasn’t filled with thrill and excitement, but is it really my job to provide constant entertainment for them all the live long day? I am all about having fun and making memories, but I feel that it’s equally important to teach my children that life isn’t one constant wheel of excitement, and that the world doesn’t revolve around them and what they want to do all of the time. Sometimes there are chores to do. Sometimes we are on a tight budget. Sometimes I just wanna lounge around and have a lazy day after a hard week of work!
After briefly beating myself up over all of the things we didn’t do over the break, I decided to make a list of what we DID do:
- I threw a Christmas party for the kids with their closest friends
- We went Christmas shopping
- We went to the movies (twice for my daughter, as she was out of school a week before the boys and we had a lunch/movie date with friends)
- We fed the homeless
- We met my husband for a lunch date
- We went after-Christmas shopping with gift cards
- We went to the O.C. Zoo and stopped by the beach for a picnic lunch
- We spent time with family on the holidays
- We had a birthday party for my nephew
- We went on a hike with some friends
So maybe we didn’t have any monumental trips to amusement parks or vacations anyplace this school break. Sure, we had some days where we didn’t leave the house. Aubrey spent a lot of her free time in her room reading. The boys spent a lot of time outside with their neighbor friends, riding their bikes and going on adventures in the neighborhood. And I’m not gonna lie, there was a day or two where they spent a good amount of time playing video games. Every single day was not chocked full adventure or outing, but isn’t that okay?
Thinking back to my childhood, my mom did not entertain us day in and day out. In fact it was a rare occasion to go out for lunch or take a trip to the zoo or other places. We spent our days entertaining ourselves; playing with our friends and riding our bikes around the neighborhood, playing with each other. Sometimes, we would go to my grandma’s or my uncle’s house to visit. Rarely did my mom organize playdates with friends or plan out structured arts and crafts activities. And guess what? I loved my mom anyway! I think she was a great mother and I look back on my childhood with fond memories. I don’t think any less of the kind of mother she was or doubt her unconditional love for me because of her lack of non-stop entertainment for us.
My friend and I were discussing this very issue (the guilt of not doing enough with our kids) when she stumbled upon this post from an Instagrammer that she follows. I love this message so much; so much that I am now sharing it with you:
Ladies-STOP THE MOMMY GUILT!! Stop conditioning yourselves to think that your job as a mother is to provide constant entertainment for your children. Stop the self-doubt. Stop the comparison. I think social media is a big part of our problem. We see what other moms are doing and we compare ourselves to what we see being put out there. We are surrounded by an overabundance of ideas on Pinterest and Instagram and we convince ourselves that we just don’t measure up if we aren’t doing x, y and z with our kids. When we feel the pressure to constantly provide entertainment for our children, we are depriving them of so many valuable life lessons. We are depriving them of problem solving skills and from using their imaginations. We are depriving ourselves of finding joy in the little moments; the moments of looking outside your kitchen window to see the fort they’ve built out of carboard boxes and blankets. The moments when their necks and knees are covered in dirt because they’ve been exploring and playing hard with their friends. The moments when they are bonding with their siblings over a new game they’ve invented.
If you are a mom who provides for your child’s physical and emotional needs, then you are a good mom! Give yourselves credit and don’t waste another minute guilting yourself about the things you don’t, or can’t, do. When you fall into that trap of comparison and guilt, make a list of the things that you DO do. Your kids love you, I promise. Even when they guilt you into thinking you aren’t doing enough. Even when they are bored and whiny and complaining. They love you because your are their mom, and that is enough. You are enough.
